entry055 - an amAZing offer.

I've been away for awhile. And recently, I've been paying more and more attention to current events.

I'm not sure what caused everything to go so bad so so quickly, but here we are.

And here I am, sitting around, ready to solve ANYTHING that comes my way, and my talents have been wasted on stuff I don't even care to consider here, on this forum I have neglected for nearly a year.

Has it been an entire year? I did some shit. You're now up to speed.

Anyway, something that I can't seem to wrap my head around is the constant bickering, boycotting, and bugging bugaboo surrounding the immigration woes of the 48th United State, Arizona.

Aside from having nothing to do with the eponymous iced tea and being the location of the best show on TV right now (at least until the season closes and AMC brings back Mad Men...thereby making MAD MEN the best show on TV, just because), Arizona is home to a lot of people from Mexico.
Evidently, the immigrant population is quite illegal in the state, and illegal=bad. I checked the math on this, so it must be true.

I mean, does it make sense to presume that a vast majority of people that entered a foreign country without following proper legal procedure in an effort to make enough money to give their families a better life than they would have had in their own impoverished nation would do what they could to keep under the radar and not break the laws in said foreign country so that they may stay and earn for as long as was possible? Of Course Not.

So Arizona is dealing with the Immigrant Question because they can't afford to wait around for Washington Fat Cats to "work out" and "reason" such "complex issues".
And dealt with it they did; a law has now passed that allows a police officer to ask you to prove that you are not in the country illegally if they have reason to believe that you might be (ie You Are Brown).
This is old news, I know. There's oil flowing into the ocean and Greece is the word is the word is the word that illustrates the end of the economy as we know it and Goldman Sachs is raping us all and Jersey Shore is filming in Miami...cats and dogs, living together...MASS HYSTERIA!!! I know.
Let's stick with Arizona's Legalese, if you don't mind.

A lot of people are comparing them to the Nazis. Which is kind of sort of technically right in some way, but ultimately a stupid analogy. Yes, Nazis had pieces of flare, they made the Jews wear them. And we'll leave it there before the punchline comes and Glenn Beck is either railing against me or praising me. Wouldn't know which one's worse if I had to even guess.

I compare it to finding a replicant in Blade Runner, if all the replicants spoke Spanish. Or like the whole thing that happened in The Siege.

So naturally one of two things has to happen: 1) Henry Enrique "Erik" Estrada and those kinds of people better make sure to carry a US birth certificate [that's not from Hawaii] if they want to traipse around Phoenix and use our amazing Health Care system; or 2) Arizona really needs to get rid of everyone in their government that thought this would be a good idea, and then get rid of this stupid fucking rule.

But that is just too complicated. Arizonans want nothing to do with immigrants, and immigrants want Arizona to do nothing to them. Solution?

SELL ARIZONA BACK TO MEXICO.

Why?

1) We could really use the money. The funds to make sure investment banks remain Too Big To Fail have to come from somewhere, people. Why not generate that revenue from the great state of Ari-We're too Fucking Myopic and Ungrateful to Realize We're Bullying the Wrong People-zona? At the very least, our fellow benefactors of cheap labor will get some perspective on what it is to be nothing to America.

2) Mexico would appreciate the offer. Let's face it: things have been pretty rocky with Mexico since the whole Elian Gonzalez thing. And that kid wasn't even MEXICAN! Enough is enough, as far as I'm concerned.

3) More jobs will be created in the US, as the proposed wall for the border will be increased to fence Arizona out. That means work for the people who were here to work in the first place, and work for the people who wouldn't find building an idiotic fence to be so demeaning anymore.

4) At least P.F. Chang's can be considered "International Cuisine." Chinese Fusion from Arizona? eh. Chinese Fusion from the Land of a Thousand Tacos? Here, take my money! Ditto for Cold Stone Creamery.

5) We can generate revenues for America's families by putting bounties on the dumb fuck politicians who are newly illegal as they try to cross the new borders. Alive, 50 grand. Dead, we pay your stupid underwater bullshit mortgage. Then we deport you for costing us so much money. Then the bounty gets placed on your head The Circle of Life is Complete.

Sorry I was away for so long. I would've killed so many birds with this one stone, we would have been eating for weeks already.

Also, now that I think of it, Mexico doesn't have to be the buyer on this. We could sell this shit to any country! Spain might want a piece of their luxurious empire back...why not? Maybe Iceland wouldn't mind a change of climate for it's volcano-hating lifestyle. We could probably even back the sale of this piece of shit state against securities that could be traded in the open market, then offer derivatives in the event the sale does not go through...oh, fuck. I should have stayed out of this.