entry059 - Guys, I'm Gonna Break That Cable Box Over Your Dopey Heads.

This is just fucking ridiculous. I have no witticisms, no silly insights, and nothing to add to the stupidity. Not many, anyway.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fuck Cablevision. Cablevision Sucks.
Also, Fuck Fox. Fox Sucks.

Fox wants to optimize their revenue stream potential with regard to carriage fees that are collected on content THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR FREE ONLINE AND OVER THE AIR. You want to turn a channel THAT IS FREE ONLINE AND OVER THE AIR into a premium service. To paraphrase a popular albeit dumb slogan, it's not HBO. It's TV. THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR FREE ONLINE AND OVER THE AIR.
You want more money? Charge more for advertising. You want to charge more for advertising? Put great programming on all the time. Make it the farewell season of The Simpsons. I grew up on that show and love it like a child, but good gravy that show a rotting turd now. The most ink it has had lately was related to an opening couch gag that was conceived by Bansky. The opening sequence got more praise than every episode for the last eight years COMBINED. Make it the farewell season and line your fucking pockets.

I am not opposed to you making money. I'm really not. But you cannot conceivably convince a carrier that you are worth more than every other network combined when Seth MacFarlane's indigestion juxtaposed with inane 70's television references accounts for 60% of your original programming. Imma be a hater right now, so apologies all around.
ABC and NBC offer an on-demand channel w/o fast-forward sos ads are guaranteed to run. Ditto on Hulu and their respective websites...yours included. You mention god-damned Ford every time someone from Fringe needs to use a car. INNOVATE. EVOLVE. You're a corrupt and despicable multinational corporation, right? So MONETIZE. But don't leave one of the country's biggest markets out in the dust for a bag of fucking circus peanuts on a lousy Halloween haul. Shit, I gotta think of everything??

And before you relax your metaphorical sphincter, Monsieur Cablevision...Fuck You. Fuck You Twice As Hard. Fuck You Half As Fast.
How are you allowing this to occur? I don't get it. And why am I hearing about it every fucking time I turn on the TV? What are we paying you for?

TV. We pay you for TV, assholes.

This isn't a referendum on how great your company is. Never was. This is shitty business all around. We can't do anything when Food Network, HGTV, ABC, Fox, whoever decides they want more money. All we can do is tell you to go shit in the ocean when you "must" raise our rates. Here's a dumb idea...pay them the raised rate in the meantime. Show us you are committed to giving us what we want. Take a small loss for long-term gains. You have made great business decisions...that have helped FIOS, DirecTV, Netflix, super-great free downloading, iTunes,...tremendously. You are the model of demonopolization everyone's been waiting for. Thank You?

This dumb "predicament" YOU put US in is fucking hilarious. YOU HAVE A STRANGLEHOLD ON CABLE IN THIS AREA. And you still cannot keep it together. HOW??? WHY? Take the hit. Figure it out. Get this shit locked down behind the scenes. Lobby for more FCC intervention. Lobby against these practices. Let's Go, how is this difficult for you? You charge money for bleeped and censored material and lousy telephone service. YOU ARE PRINTING MONEY. Send it from the printers to the appropriate people. Prove you want to provide us with better service.

And while I am still pissed off about all this...why can't you offer à la carte packaging? I would love to pay more for better service. BUT GET ME BETTER SERVICE. Upgrade your systems. Give a shit in action as well as in words. Sheesh.

And fuck the FCC. Fresh off a tour of righteous whitewashing to rid our ears and eyes of the dirty, naughty parts of the airwaves...your solution to this dispute is to tweet sports scores. The final word on media...the reason television stations can broadcast...the reason Fox is AVAILABLE FOR FREE ONLINE AND OVER THE AIR (remember when I said that? from before?)...and you decide to tweet our cares away.

Sirs and Madams, I own a Twitter account. I know for a fact that Twitter sucks. And your use of it only convinces me of this all the more. Horseshit.

Revoke some licenses! Intervene! Injunction something! Force channels that go rogue to remain on the air during these pissing matches! Be LESS hated! CRAP ON A CRAPPY CRACKER OF CRAP HOW DIFFICULT ARE YOU PEOPLE MAKING THIS.

You know what. Fuck Comcast, too. You pricks buying NBC almost guarantees that this shit is just going to keep happening more and more. You people are killing me here. I can't even think of a way to put this all together and draw a conclusion. This is just so stupid.

Jesus Christ. This is stupid. Jesus Christ.

I’m quitting television. I'll just wait for the DVDs. Maybe I'll take in some exercise with this new-found free time. Learn French like I always wanted to. See what I can do to help in the Sudan.

Oh wait, Chuck is on. Um...fuck this.